I apologize for bleeding Mr Kitty

No joke...this right here? The most purely sensuous video ever made.

When the solo dancer starts moving her hands towards the middle of this vid, I, uh,, had a moment.

He may have to contact his lawyer!

Right now

At this very moment...

All the 24hour news outlets are showing footage of Micheal Jackson's corpse being driven to the LA Corner's Office. First, via helicopter and then by van.

And one of the talking heads rambled on about how poignant it was..."despite what you may feel about the man, we must all know that one day we will all be in this situation."

What?

You mean that when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, all the 24 hour news stations will take time out of their busy schedules away from kinda sorta covering VERY IMPORTANT THINGS to spend oodles of time and even bigger oodles of money following my dead lifeless and did I mention dead body around to find out how I died???

Uh...no, DO NOT WANT!

Okay, here's the thing. Michael Jackson was the most famous person in the world. There should be no argument on that. Not Elvis, not the Beatles. In fact, the only one that came close was our current president. And that's because he's President...do you think anyone would know who Barack Obama was right now if he had not won the presidency? Nope, nein nada.

This guy was so famous that he could do a show in, say, Burundi (where they have no copper wiring), and the locals would show up by the hundreds of thousands. He was so famous at one point that he could have had a planet named after him. He was so famous that parents would leave their children with him! And he was so famous that when he was acquitted of child molestation charges, the hundreds perhaps thousands of fans that gathered outside of the courthouse wept like Apostles and released doves into the air. Actual fucking doves.

He was that famous because he had the right talent, the right image and the right sound at the exact right time. And he was marketed like a motherfucker worldwide and shot off bigger than anyone could have ever imagined. His album Thriller sold over 45 million copies...no one has ever come close to that. He single handedly flippin' changed how music and video was marketed for better or worse, and that, I really believe, was the one thing that quite frankly drove an already kinda odd guy completely fucking batshit loony-tunes insane.

But, that's not want I am on about. Ya'll probably already KNOW that story already by heart.

The circus!! That's going to be a great and terrible thing.

See, when a celeb type person dies, the media response to the death runs the gamut from barely there to Oh My that person is dead now to OMGWTFBBQ SWARM SWARM WE NEED GERALDO ON SIGHT TO INTERVIEW THE REMAINS!!!

Need an example? Farrah Fawcett died today. She was 62. Now, I didn't know Farrah; I kinda liked her on Charlies Angels and I really liked her in Saturn 3 and Burning Bed and I REALLY liked her in that one nipple poster, but her death actually made me tear up a bit. My mom in law was the same age when she died, and also had cancer. It touched me. And the media reaction was muted; respectful. She had been sick for awhile and had been brave as hell about it.

Then...MJ has a heart attack and the Three Headed Hound from Hell named MSNBCCNNFOX was unleashed.

That hound lives for this sort of thing. It waits in it's kennel for something big to happen. NO, not something overseas...unless, of course, we can embed a nice high priced whore. It's better that it be local and messy and grotesque. It lives for the bread and the circuses and the innocents being fed to the lions. It needs to get the close-up of the grieving fans and the friends who's meal ticket is now gone to the family who never really seemed to know what the fuck was up with him to the experts (oh god the experts!) who will spew worthless uninformed bullshit about nothing in particular.

And MJ? In the end, he had become a joke. A freak of nature. A manchild thing that looked like a Picasso painting. A man who, let's face it, had not had anything really interesting to say artistically since 1984 but still managed to sell an assload of tickets for a 50 show run at the O2 in London even though it was really a 50/50 chance that he would even be able to go through with it.

I mean...Jeebus..you had cameras following his corpse!! HIS CORPSE!!

In times like this, I used to say that we were so ready for an Alien invasion, it wasn't funny.

Now, I think the Aliens are on their way out of here and have left a time bomb set to go off in 2012 so that we don't infect the universe.

Cats have no personal space!

I dare you to touch it!

This is the story of Oskar and Eli. Two odd young kids in the Norse Land...

Well, one's a staggeringly blond boy and one's a Bloodsucking Fiend. They both are trying to deal with loneliness in a small, cold and quiet Swedish town. Oskar is sad and bullied and wants a friend. Eli is a vampire, and wants a friend that's not going to end up as a snack.

Or does she? We’ll get to that in a sec.

At its core, Let The Right One In is a sweet as all get out coming of age story with a nice and tasty dark as hell twist. Seriously, this could be a Disney film where the boy is a talking bus and the girl is a talking car and the animation would is bright and cheery and in 3D and perhaps they eat a meatball real cute like and there’s a big song by the Jonas brothers or Myle or some other Shiny Bright Entertainment Product….

Except that there’s blood. And dismembering. And bloody dismembering.

The story is rather simple. Oskar; and I can't stress this enough, is a quiet, shy and lonely little bugger. His parents are split up (for what appears to be the niftiest of reasons) and although it's clear that they both love him, they aren’t around much for him. He is constantly picked on at school by a bunch of bullies, so at night he goes outside his apartment complex and imagines himself taking revenge on those that hurt him. One night, he meets Eli, a pretty girl who definitely comes across as weird in an undead sort of way (I really like how the first indication of her vampirism is handled…I won’t say anymore, but it’s something I have often wondered about). Her home life is, well, a little more complicated, as I imagine vampire home lives tend to be. And despite her stated desire that they not be friends, they of course eventually become friends. From her, he has a connection with someone and learns to stand up to those that torment him. From him, she gets…well, that’s the thing. After seeing this movie a few times, I still see her motivations as being still very much up in the air. And that’s the beauty of this film. It has the good sense to leave interpretations up to the viewer as to whether it’s love or some more sinister.

But all that aside, this is one of the finest films of 2008 and the single best vampire movie ever. Yeah, I said it. If you are into Vampire myth, there’s a ton of stuff here to chew on. And the final “battle” scene (you’ll know what I’m taking about when you see it) made me stand up and cheer. Kudos to the cast (Kåre Hedebrant and Lina Leandersson are just plain captivating), the direction of Tomas Alfredson, and especially cinematographer Hoyte Van Hoytema, whose use of muted colors and soft/sharp focus is mesmerizing.

This is truly a modern horror masterpiece. Go see it.